The trouble is, most people don't know it anymore. I've been back just over a month and am still working on the adjustment. It usually manifests in really small things. When I stay around the house, I feel fine, but when I go out into the world, I feel myself drained and often overwhelmed. The design of stores, the constant push, the colors, the repetition. Little things in how people behave.
Of course, not everything has been difficult. I do enjoy not washing my laundry in the shower. I enjoy being lazy with my dishes. I enjoy that if something is left out it's not covered in ants within a couple of hours. There was something therapeutic about having to stay on top of those chores though. About needing to take the time to get them done.
Seeing people I haven't gotten to see in aeons has been great. Keeping busy keeps my mind off of the things I miss most. Much like when I left here, it's still the people. But there's a lot in the way of life that sticks out to me, or I just don't fit into as comfortably as I once did.
I'm no longer exotic. That combined with the fact that men here are trained out of staring, causes me to notice that I'm no longer the center of attention. On the one hand, it's a relief, but at the same time, I'd gotten used to getting looks all the time. It's just one more change.
Every time someone says "idiot" or "stupid" I have to tell myself, as I explained to my students while reading Matilda to them, that these words are not as strong in English as they are in Spanish (though, they are still not to be used when talking about another person, boys and girls). I was so trained out of saying them casually.
Small talk, especially now that I have a job and don't know anyone that I'm working with, has been a big adjustment. For the last two years, either I was working in my second language, so we cut to the point, or they were, and we cut to the point. Most of the Americans I knew seemed to be in the same mindset, so there was very little small talk. Gossip was abound. But there was rarely any lead up in conversations. I've found myself being more forward with what I have to say than most of the people around me are used to.
Then, of course, there's money. I have a job now. I'm working behind a register in a well established bar-b-que restaurant. I'm working 20-25 hours a week, which is less than half what I worked in Honduras, including my prep time, and I'm making more than twice as much. Of course, everything is more expensive. And now I'm driving everywhere, which is a huge change in and of itself, but also sucks down money. Getting together with friends is almost impossible without dropping a substantial amount of money.
The only things I can find to do that are free involve walking around in the heat, which is still not an issue to me (though, I'm slowly getting used to AC), but it's rather uncomfortable to others. Walking is something I miss too. The act of walking to a destination. Driving everywhere makes me feel so cut off from the people around me.
Not that I'm currently living in a big place, but compared to Copan and Farmville (self explanatory), it feels huge to me. I can no longer wander into any store, any coffee shop, any bar, and know the people there. That, and there are more options. It's hard to become a regular anywhere, because it just depends on where you are in town. Here, things can be out of the way. I think I really need to establish myself as a regular in a few different places. Just so I can feel known again. So that I can have familiar faces.
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