I've recently been coming to terms with the fact that my entire, for all intents and purposes, adult life has been here, in the mountains of Copan Ruinas, Honduras. Imagining my life in a year, is nearly impossible. It's so easy to imagine being a part of my old life in the States, but whatever life I go back to, it will not be my old life, and besides, it's really hard to imagine not being here. This place houses almost all of my independence.
On the other hand, I cannot imagine not being in Virginia. Despite moving to another country and living there for two years, the idea of moving to a foreign State is simply beyond me. I suppose that in part it is because I can't imagine leaving here for anything that isn't home. This place has become my home, so to give it up, it almost has to be so that I can return to the things and people I miss.
I have rolled around ideas, such as staying in Honduras, but at a school where I can further my other academic goals. Or leaving VA for other alternative certification programs. I've thought of looking for jobs at schools that don't really care if I'm already certified and would help me get there, but at the end of my thought process comes this:
Most of these alternative methods will only get me certified, and, eventually, I want my masters. Once I have my masters, my options will be pretty limitless, so I might as well buckle down and just get it done.
However, I need about a years worth of undergraduate credits in order to even get certified. I'm basically a career switcher, because the original plan was to go into Secondary Ed. Now, I'm lacking in a lot of the basics I need to be a primary teacher.
The programs I have talked to told me that I can get my undergraduate credits taken care of while I'm in the program, and I think I would if it was 3 classes. However, with as many as I need, I think I'm looking at a year of community college followed by about 2 years more of school.
Three more years. And then, where? William and Mary seems to make the most economical sense, but I simple can't move back home for three years. I'm going to have to find another way. Longwood also has a draw on me because it's already known. Anywhere in Virginia has the in-state advantage.
It's hard to imagine not going back, but it's also very difficult to go back to a world in which I have nothing. I'm like a child in the States. If I go to another State for school, I still have to build up from nothing. I have to create community all over again. Even in Virginia that will be true to a certain extent.
This is why I hate moving and I hate change. It's weird, because I came down here. But it was scary too. I want some kind of magic to bring me back to the States, but with a sturdy foundation already in place. That's simply not possible. What I have to keep telling myself is that I cling to the notion of home very hard, but where ever I go, that seems to be the home I'm clinging to.
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